Dec 23rd....

Time doesn't heal all wounds

Love crosses every boundary,  even over the brick walls that people construct to keep loved ones out. 
But, when substance abuse is involved,  then that becomes their first love.  A week does not go by without at least one disastrous story that ends in tragedy.  From a boy that values his family so little that he killed his parents so he can party in their home, to a singer that was proud to state that she would end up dead in a ditch on fire.  These people surrounds themselves with friends that do not set any limits for themselves or their friends that they claim to care about.  No one is surprised by the outcome and then the crowd moves on to the next "IT" person until they expire. What low expectations these individuals placed upon themselves.  Life is hard and we need to pull together, not apart. I am truly sad for the loved ones that tried to stay involved in that persons life only to be pushed away, verbally abused and ignored.

The old saying that only happens in bad families...I am afraid that it has crossed into loving & good families too.  I was reading that the baby boomer generation will be the first generation in history that will be alone when they are very old.  The entitled generation is walking away from families in alarming numbers.  Families are give and take, they show up and give you a nudge or soft boot when you need it.  In turn, you do what you can for them too.  Do your children's friends keep close contact with their families and encourage yours to distance yourself from their  family?  I had a friend in JR High that did that and eventually I grew up a little and saw what she was trying to do. 

If you were neglected or unloved for even a second... I would understand estrangement...but, why silence???  Toxic relationships are not being told no or sorry we don't have the money right now.  There are parents that are in a drunken stooper, no food or clean clothes and even more that I don't want to think of  children being subjected to.  I know this is hard for people that do not have this disconnected relationship to understand.  It is torture for the person experiencing it.  Why don't you try?  What happened?  These are the logical questions by well meaning people, but unfortunately the answers are only known with the person that refuses to talk or listen. From what I have read in the estrangement forums...it appears to be a power issue.

If you have estrangement in your life, I thought I would pass some helpful links on, if anyone is searching for.... WHY?  I have seen a few articles that suggest "making a new family",  what happens when that family is imperfect?  Dump them and find new people?   I do not believe the solution is running away or ignoring anyone that crosses you.  A great blog to visit:  estrangedfamilies (Wordpress) , this blog has so many great, inspiring posts for Parents, Adult Children and Grandparents. Scroll down the page and find a post that is relevent to your needs and there is a link on the left hand side for older posts too.  Another site for Adult Parents is estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com This tab is "Stages" estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com/Site/Stages and Resources: estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com/Site/Resources

I hope you find the inner peace that you seek and hope that this post will help you heal and let go.

Scratch another thing off the to do list...

I have wanted to change out the door knobs for a while now.  The front door did not have a lock, just a knob.  They were on sale at Home Depot... I love saving money.  I have installed many a lock in my day...these were the easiest ones I have ever done.  It only took about 10 minutes after the old knob was out.

New Locks...CHECK!

July is a big Birthday and Anniversary month in the family.  My Grandmother's birthday is tomorrow (she is no longer with us).  She would fly into town for a visit and we would all go to the airport to meet her.  Our daughters loved going to the airport.  Our oldest daughter's birthday is in three days. 

My new Kam Snaps arrived today and I got to finish my new Kitchen Wet Bags (for un papertowels, napkins, cloths).  It hangs off the handle of the stove.  I love the bright Vintage look of the oilcloth.  I also made some in blue with strawberries.

The wetbags, un paper towels, family wipes and kitchen cloths are listed in my Zibbet Shop. 

This day will never come again....

I have been stuck in a rut and trying to break free... Easier said than done.  I have been thinking of part of the Serenity Prayer that my Grandfather decoupaged inside a chest he made for me.  I read it when I was younger and it wasn't until I have been older that I understood the meaning.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

 

 

Mothers and Daughters...

I am not really into "Reality Shows", but...I have been watching the Judds on OWN channel. They have a Therapist that travels with them on the road.  I hope it all works out for them and they get to the heart of it.  A few generations ago, very few people looked at their parents with all this resentment, they grew up and realized that their parents did the best they could. Every family has negative and positive. It is the hardest thing you will ever do and even when you read all the books, you are never prepared for everything.

The Mother/Daughter relationship is a very complex one. Perhaps if we looked at each other with the same understanding as we would give a friend... We could see things through their eyes and let them into our world too.  In this new tech world...more is not more.  Is quality time is a thing of the past?  Really getting to know your family.  Caring enough to put pride aside to listen to one another.  You cannot really know anyone by reading their blog, you are only an observer with your nose pressed up to the glass watching them and it is the emptiest feeling to know you are on the outside looking in.  We all think that it is up to the other person to be what we need, when we need it.  It can be sort of a stand off and no one wins. 

A Letter from Mom and Dad

I saw this posted on facebook today and I wanted to add it here as well.

Thanksgiving Movie List

With all the preparations for the holidays.... Don't forget to add a little laughter!   We have scaled down the dishes that require 23 steps and your first born child.   We have a turkey breast (bones and meat for gumbo the next day) veggies and several sides and less clean up (a win-win).

List of  Thanksgiving  Movies:

Home for the Holidays  (I watch it every year... love it!)
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Avalon
Dutch
Indian Summer
Pieces of April
A Time to Remember
Hannah and her Sisters
The Ice Storm
Alice's Restaurant
The Big Chill

Me and My Mom...

 

Yes,  she was young (only 17).   In second grade my teacher said that she wanted to speak to my mom...and  she said "But, I am her mother".

Grandmas

WHAT ARE GRANDMAS FOR?

Grandmas are for stories

about things of long ago.

Grandmas are for caring

about all the things you know...

Grandmas are for rocking you

and singing you to sleep,

Grandmas are for giving you

nice memories to keep...

Grandmas are for knowing

all the things you're dreaming of...

But, most importantly of all,

grandmas are for love.

~Author Unknown~

As our grandmother passed away this week, my thoughts turned to how it used to be...before alzheimers.

She could be a tough lady at work...

But, she did have a soft side, she loved her family.

I thought of a time when she was visiting at my parents and I walked in the door with very little sleep from being up all night with a baby with colic. I dragged in the door telling her about the rough night. She reached out her arms and said..."give her to me, she needs mamaw to rock her and make her tummy feel all better". She rocked and rocked her and "grandma was right"...she did make it all better.

We did not live in the same state most of my life, but she always bridged the miles and she did not seem that far away. Cards and trips kept us in touch. She had a special way of always letting you know she was thinking of you. I saw this crazy ring and thought of you, a card for every special day (easter, valentines, thanksgiving......etc.). Her special touch was everywhere....Jingle Bells tied on the end of curling ribbon, just because card, a toothbrush added to your easter treats (to remind you to take care) or a postcard from her travels.

She has been gone in spirit for quite a while, but now her body is being laid to rest next to her husband (who had been taken so many years ago). I know he greeted you at the gate with a kiss and even though we miss you grandma... I am comforted that you will not suffer anymore.

Love,

your grandaughter

Lend Me a Pup

Lend Me a Pup

I will lend to you for a while

a puppy, God said,

For you to love him while he lives

and to mourn for him when he is gone.

Maybe for twelve or fourteen years,

or maybe for two or three.

But will you, till I call him back

take care of him for me ?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you

and (should his stay be brief)

you'll always have his memories

as solace for your grief .

I cannot promise that he will stay,

since all from earth return,

But there are lessons taught below

I want this pup to learn.

I've looked the whole world over

in search of teachers true

And from the folk that crowd life's land

I have chosen you.

Now will you give him all your love

Nor think the labour vain

Nor hate me when I come to take my pup back again.

I fancied that I heard them say

"Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done,

"For all the joys this pup will bring,

the risk of grief you'll run.

Will you shelter him with tenderness

Will you love him while you may

And for the happiness you'll know forever grateful stay.

But should I call him back

much sooner than you've planned

Please brave the bitter grief that comes

and try to understand.

If, by your love, you've managed

my wishes to achieve,

In memory of him that you've loved,

cherish every moment with your faithful bundle,

and know he loved you too.

- Author Unknown