But, when substance abuse is involved, then that becomes their first love. A week does not go by without at least one disastrous story that ends in tragedy. From a boy that values his family so little that he killed his parents so he can party in their home, to a singer that was proud to state that she would end up dead in a ditch on fire. These people surrounds themselves with friends that do not set any limits for themselves or their friends that they claim to care about. No one is surprised by the outcome and then the crowd moves on to the next "IT" person until they expire. What low expectations these individuals placed upon themselves. Life is hard and we need to pull together, not apart. I am truly sad for the loved ones that tried to stay involved in that persons life only to be pushed away, verbally abused and ignored.
The old saying that only happens in bad families...I am afraid that it has crossed into loving & good families too. I was reading that the baby boomer generation will be the first generation in history that will be alone when they are very old. The entitled generation is walking away from families in alarming numbers. Families are give and take, they show up and give you a nudge or soft boot when you need it. In turn, you do what you can for them too. Do your children's friends keep close contact with their families and encourage yours to distance yourself from their family? I had a friend in JR High that did that and eventually I grew up a little and saw what she was trying to do.
If you were neglected or unloved for even a second... I would understand estrangement...but, why silence??? Toxic relationships are not being told no or sorry we don't have the money right now. There are parents that are in a drunken stooper, no food or clean clothes and even more that I don't want to think of children being subjected to. I know this is hard for people that do not have this disconnected relationship to understand. It is torture for the person experiencing it. Why don't you try? What happened? These are the logical questions by well meaning people, but unfortunately the answers are only known with the person that refuses to talk or listen. From what I have read in the estrangement forums...it appears to be a power issue.
If you have estrangement in your life, I thought I would pass some helpful links on, if anyone is searching for.... WHY? I have seen a few articles that suggest "making a new family", what happens when that family is imperfect? Dump them and find new people? I do not believe the solution is running away or ignoring anyone that crosses you. A great blog to visit: estrangedfamilies (Wordpress) , this blog has so many great, inspiring posts for Parents, Adult Children and Grandparents. Scroll down the page and find a post that is relevent to your needs and there is a link on the left hand side for older posts too. Another site for Adult Parents is estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com This tab is "Stages" estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com/Site/Stages and Resources: estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com/Site/Resources
I hope you find the inner peace that you seek and hope that this post will help you heal and let go.
Poignant post.
ReplyDeleteLove, indeed, crosses every boundary … and it is through Love that we surround ourselves with beings who support us, who nurture and sustain the positive aspects of our choices, behaviors ~ life!